Be Anxious for Nothing
I’m going to take this opportunity to share my testimony regarding fear.
The first time I remember having mental health issues was my freshman year of high school. I was a very sensitive child, and was always worried about things, but it turned into a crisis when I was 14. I was hanging with the wrong crowd and embracing “emo” culture, a culture that celebrated depression and suicide.
As I walked further down the dark and twisted road I was on, I found myself hating my life. I didn’t want to be alive. Life was too hard, I no longer wanted to participate.
At one point I took almost an entire bottle of pain relievers. I should have died, but instead I went to sleep for what seemed like a long time. I experienced heaven that day. You can read about that here.
I came out of my depression for a time after I found myself surrounded by better, more loving people.
However, I sank back into that terrible place when I was 21, shortly after I married my first husband. I found myself in an abusive relationship and saw myself as trapped. I felt that if I was stupid enough to have married him, then I would have to suffer the consequences.
I lashed out in many ways. I physically harmed myself, I drank alone, I sought attention from other men and women.
This time I sought “professional” help and spoke to my family doctor, who quickly prescribed an antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications.
It didn’t fix anything. My problems were still there. My lack of coping mechanisms and my lack of relationship with the LORD meant that the medicated version of me only had MORE problems due to unwanted side effects.
Things did get better once I left my ex-husband, but I still was the same person, just in better circumstances.
Not to be cliche, but it wasn’t until I really met Jesus that my life turned around. I realized I was holding on to unforgiveness and old ways of thinking that were causing me daily harm.
I worked to free myself from those bonds and daily work through my struggles.
It wasn’t easy, but the LORD never left me in any of it.
To this day I still struggle with the occasional anxiety attack and I know I could easily fall back into the path of depression.
It doesn’t mean I am a bad person. I think its something any passionate, sensitive person can easily fall into.
What I’ve learned in this journey, however, has made all the difference.
Anxiety, depression and fear are NOT your identity. It’s almost “cool” to have mental health issues these days, but even if you don’t parade your struggles in front of others, you may still have trouble separating your fearfulness from who you are as a person.
Who you surround yourself with matters. If you are constantly surrounded by people who are negative and wallowing in their own issues then you will always think and feel like they do.
Find your purpose. Without direction, we tend to feel meaningless. Where there is no vision, people perish. Start with just a hobby, a project or volunteer somewhere. Figure out why the LORD put you here and then do that thing until you die.
Stick up for yourself. Do you need routine right now? Fight for it. Do you need help? Ask for it. Discipline yourself and set boundaries up with others. You can’t be walking in your purpose unless you are taking care of yourself.
Talk to someone. No other person will ever be completely safe or trustworthy. We are all human, we all fail from time to time. BUT. You still need people. You still need community and relationship. Do not cut that out, ESPECIALLY when you feel like it the least.
Spend time in the Word. If you are not purposefully seeking the LORD it is easy to lose your footing. If you are not prioritizing building your foundation with biblical truths, then every time a storm comes you will be wiped out.
SING. Or pray outloud. I know I’m a very passionate person and singing and dancing mean a lot to me, but I really believe if everyone spent more time singing worship with their own mouths it would change the atmosphere. Put some worship music on and don’t just liste, but SING WITH IT. There have been times in the midst of an anxiety attack that the only thing I could do was sit at my piano and sing. Opening my mouth to participate
Be aware of your own spiritual baggage and deal with it. Sometimes you need someone to walk through spiritual cleansing with you, sometimes you can recognize it and do it on your own. When something comes up DEAL WITH IT. Do not let it fester or grow.
Let your mind be transformed. Be ok with the fact that many of the ways you think about things need to change. If you have a thought pattern that is not God’s thought pattern then it is time to ditch it.
You don’t have to live or die in fear. It’s an option to live life with out it! The only other question I have for you right now is:
Are you ready to change?
