Stealing My Peace: Yes or No?
So we talked about the yesses and nos of life. I discussed how saying yes and letting things into my mind, marriage, home, business and life when they don’t belong can be harmful. Saying yes can take away the peace I already have, but saying no can, too. Saying no when Holy Spirit is prompting me can turn my day upside down as well. It’s great and all, knowing that we should say yes and no, but sometimes it's easier said than done. My biggest battle is knowing what gets my yes and what gets my no.
Sometimes it's easy for me. No, I shouldn’t stay up late eating junk food. It makes me feel icky in the morning. Yes, I should work out, I feel so great for the rest of the day and I want to be a strong mama, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Yes, I need to read my bible. Without my alone time with the Lord I can throw my day off track. No thank you telemarketer, I don’t need whatever you are selling today.
Those are easy decisions that I can see quick effects from. The hard choices though? Those are the ones that get me. Should we sell our business? Should we move? Should I volunteer more at my church? Should we expand our properties? The refrigerator is going bad, should we repair it or buy another? Should I take on this project? Should I let my daughter watch that TV show?
Daily I get put through the ringer with choices. Running several businesses, being a mama and wife, trying to advance my own career, I’ve got questions and choices a plenty.
Knowing my own personality, I can often get caught up in the decision making process and out of fear just avoid giving a yes or no at all. I get stuck, a deer in the headlights, knowing I need to move one way or the other but afraid of which direction to go. So I don’t choose, I give neither a yes or no, and I lose my peace.
Anxiety and I are not friends, but we’ve been acquainted for quite some time. I don’t enjoy her, nor does she ever come at the right time. I’d much rather have peace in my home.
I used to pray fervently against my anxiety and beg God for peace. He then started reminding me, as we’ve discussed before, that I already have peace, so why am I continuing to ask for it? He started to show me that even when I’m afraid to choose, afraid to mess up, anxiety starts with my choices.
One of the paralyzing reasons I also fear my choices is that verse in Matthew 5 where Jesus is talking about integrity. He is teaching us not to have to swear on something to seem reliable, but to let our “yes be yes and our no be no”. We should be people of honor who can be held to our word.
No pressure. Be an honorable person, make good decisions. Agree to do every good thing the Lord has meant for you and say no to every bad thing in your life. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
But… it's not easy. Daily when I am faced in the moment with a quick decision, I do not know what to do. Dealing with the public as a business owner I often have to make really quick decisions and I just don’t know.
And that’s where grace comes in. God’s wonderful, perfect grace. Grace that means I can forgive myself and be forgiven when I give my yes to the wrong place. Grace and forgiveness when I say no to the Holy Spirit and run away like a 21st century Jonah. God has given me grace so that despite my poor choices I can have peace.
Beyond the grace though, He has also given me wisdom and a relationship with Him. Those two ingredients coupled together are strengthening me and showing me how to live. The closer and more in tune I get with the Lord, the more sensitive I become to the Holy Spirit, the quicker I know within my own spirit how to handle something. The more I become familiar with the calling on my life and with what my own personal boundaries are, the quicker I recognize when I am off track and heading away from peace.
I’m not perfect, I don’t have this down yet, but as I’m about to roll into a new decade I know a few more things:
I can say no. I shouldn’t agree to anything that goes against my morals, boundaries, ethics or beliefs, even if it causes conflict.
I can yes. I can say yes to God’s promptings. I can say yes to the uncomfortable, to the stretching, to the things that grow me.
I can know the difference, and be a woman of my word. My yes shall be yes and my no shall be no. I can be confident AND kind.
When I do mess up, I need to forgive myself and move on, because God already did. However, sometimes that means getting humble and transparent with those who may have been wronged by my yes or no.
And most importantly, God already gave me peace, I just need to choose to follow it.
