Good isn't God
Growing up I was always under the impression that as long as you were doing something good for someone else, you were doing what God wanted you to do. I saw my parents and others involved in dozens of various outreaches and ministries. It was what I knew and how I thought it worked. If you were doing good for the community and others around you, no matter what it was, then God would back you in it.
Except, he doesn’t. Just because something may be a good thing or the right thing, it may not be YOUR thing. As I got older I became more aware of those around me getting burned out by good things. Pastors, ministers, teachers, evangelists, all working so hard to help those around them and getting trampled in the process. They were doing good, but it wasn’t God.
I know exactly where I was the moment God first put it on my heart to adopt. I was sitting with a friend on her couch as she looked at children on our state’s adoption website. Her and her husband were set on adopting an older child and as I read the stories and watched the videos of the countless children begging for a forever family, my heart strings were pulled. My friend would go on to adopt a son and give him a chance that no one else was willing to. Despite the struggles I saw and knew I must anticipate, I knew I wanted to adopt.
I revisited the topic on and off with my husband for years. He agreed he would like to adopt, but not now. He wanted to wait for the right time. I would bring it up again and again, waiting for his yes. Funny though, I don’t know if I ever asked God.
In my mind, every Christian has a duty to either adopt, or support those who are adopting. God tasked us with caring for the orphans and widows, but it's easy to overlook that. We have become so desensitized to the plight of the orphans (and widows) that we almost don’t care. We see tv commercials and now social media ads constantly asking for our donations to send to poor, starving children. We see it so much, and hear about the tragedies in our own country so much, that we become numb to it to protect ourselves.
If every family took in just one child, our foster care system would no longer be bursting at the seams. We pray for God to give us our own children at a time that is convenient for us, but we can’t care for the children already in this world.
Adopting a child is a noble thing. A good thing. A thing I was dead set on doing and finally talked my husband into. I wanted a teenager, someone who had little chance of being wanted by anyone else. Someone who cried and prayed at night that they would find their forever family. I couldn’t shake it, the desire to bring a child into my home.
I contacted several agencies, went to meetings, got all set up to begin the long process of welcoming a child into our family.
But good isn’t God. God is good. Within hours of beginning our first training session the poop hit the fan. Multiple things went wrong at home, in the businesses, in our personal lives. At first I thought this was just a test to see my dedication to the process. In my heart of hearts this is something I believe in and knew to be good, but when God isn’t behind it, no matter how good or pure the motives, it will fail.
It took everything inside of me to say out loud what we needed to be said. “We can’t do this right now”. I called and cancelled the classes. Suddenly, a huge burden was lifted from me.
Even with that burden lifted, though, I still felt empty. I almost felt like I had lost something. In a weird way I was mourning the loss of what I thought I needed, but God knows better.
God knows what we need in the story of our lives. When we tell God what we want and then try to make it happen it is like solving a puzzle without all the pieces. God sees all the pieces and sees how they fit together. Sometimes His no to something, even a good thing, is the most gracious thing He could ever do for us.
It doesn't matter what the plan is, if God didn’t intend it for your life or in this season, it's not going to work. His ways and His understanding are far, far beyond ours. For us to set out into the mission field without His blessing is just plain stupid.
I haven’t given up on my plans to adopt, but now I am waiting on a “yes” from God. He knows when it is the right time and at the end of the day, I want God and not just good.
