Perfect Love
Have you ever been so excited about sleeping in that you haven’t been able to actually sleep? There are many reasons I am lying awake at 4am this morning. My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts. The world is in a panic. My routine has literally ceased to exist. The one common theme running through everything right now?
Fear.
Fear may be a liar and a scoundrel, but fear is here. Fear is winning space in our minds, it’s taking up our time. Fear is making us question what to do next. Fear is a common cord binding us all together right now.
Fear is something I know well. It’s been the topic of my life. I’ve even written a book on it. Fear drove me and shaped my life for so many years. Every decision was made in fear. So many things were missed out on, because of fear.
Fear is a liar and I know him well. It’s only been in the last few years, however, that I've actually been calling him by name. For most of my life I would call him anything but. Caution, awareness, even wisdom were names I would call him. Anything to deny his true identity.
It took years of struggle and personal growth to come to terms with my own reality. I lived a life completely dominated by fear. It didn’t change over night, but it came down to a single decision:
To start calling fear what it was and to acknowledge it when it showed up.
I heard that familiar voice knocking on my door Friday. School was cancelled for two weeks. I would have to have my daughter with me for two weeks. How would I get everything in my normal week done with a whirlwind of an almost 4 year old at my side?
Fear knocked on the door again. Essentials like toilet paper were nowhere to be found. Shelves sat empty in every store across the region. What if I ran out? What if I couldn't get supplies for my business?
The pounding on the door grew louder as I read news article after news article and watched event after event get cancelled. Monday morning it came our own turn as we cancelled a huge fundraising event of our own.
Fear grew more persistent in his knocking as the order was handed down Monday afternoon. All non essential businesses in Pennsylvania were to cease operations by midnight on Tuesday. Tattoos are not essential. My businesses are non essential. My work, my lively hood, is not essential.
With all his might, fear was banging down my door. He didn’t need me to open it wide for him, he just wanted me to peek out. If I opened that door to him, entertained the thought of him for just a moment, it would be all he needed. Once his foot was inside my door he could worm his way back into my life. It’s what he wanted, but not what I needed.
There is a verse that most of us know well. 1 John 4:18.
There is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear.
We’ve heard it before. We know it by heart.
Perfect love casts out fear.
I know this verse. I’ve repeated it to myself thousands of times. I know it, but do I know it?
It’s one thing to have the head knowledge about something. It’s quite another to know it in my heart and still another to constantly apply it to my life.
Perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear in love.
Love. Without it what am I?
Love is a force stronger than the grave.
Love covers a multitude of transgressions.
Love is patient, love it kind.
Love delights in truth.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
God is love.
Love never fails.
I have two weeks off. I can't do anything about it, I can't change what’s happening in the world around me. What I can control, however, is how I spend the next two weeks. Are they going to be two weeks spent in fear, anxiety and worry or are they going to be two weeks spent coming to a deeper understanding of love?
I have every reason to be fearful. I have so many “what ifs” I could be asking right now. However, it is completely my choice.
Fear won’t stop knocking, he will never completely go away, but it's my decision on what to do with him.
Will I open the door up to fear this week or will I be quieted with HIS perfect love?
