My Golden Calf

I woke up this morning and went straight into worshipping my golden calf. My mind, my heart, and my spirit were all focused on one thing: getting answers. I needed information to quiet my fears. I opened my phone and immediately began searching. What new things had happened over night? What was the likelihood of a national shut down? Would I be allowed to even leave my home?

My idol looked nothing like the ones we are warned against in Exodus. There was no gilded god in my living room that I bowed down too, but I had an idol nonetheless. 

In Exodus there is a story many of us are familiar with. At the bottom of mount Sinai the Israelites camped. Moses, their leader, had gone on top of the mountain to consult with God. Moses had been gone for quite some time. The Isralites became afraid. They had expected him back weeks ago. They had no answers, they didn’t know what to do next. They felt abandoned, so they turned to Aaron, the brother of Moses, with their questions. Aaron’s solution was that everyone would give him their gold they had brought out of Egypt and he would fashion a new god for them. They would have this god before them, something they could see and touch. This new god would be the solution to all their questions. Aaron created a golden calf.

Most of us know what happened next. Moses came down from the mountain and was so mad he broke the original Ten Commandments. God wanted to kill all the Israelites and start over, but Moses pleaded their case and God listened. 

I’ve been sitting on the concept for a long, long time. I remember the first time I heard that story as a child in Sunday School. It seemed so obvious. Of course you don’t worship a big statue of another god. That's a no brainer. Why was this so hard for everyone to understand? 

After dozens of times reading this story, one day, something clicked. The reason the Israelites sought a new god, an idol, stood out even more to me than the fact that they worshiped an idol in the first place. The Israelites were afraid and felt like they didn’t have direction. Remembering their roots in Egypt, they turned to a god they probably knew better than the one who led them through the Red Sea. They wanted answers and it appeared as if Moses, and God, had abandoned them. 

More and more I began to pick out the moments in the day when I felt afraid and felt like I needed an answer. I began taking mental notes on what I turned to first. Was I sending up a prayer to God, diving into His word, turning my heart to Him? More often I found myself grabbing my phone and heading to the search bar. Looking up symptoms, laws, news stories. Knowledge brings me peace. It is the most comforting thing to me. If I know everything I can about a situation I can make a better choice and walk into something less afraid. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to gather knowledge, but it is when I tell the Lord I want the world's knowledge over His.

 When I make the choice to immediately dive into the spider webs of information the internet has to offer, I am telling God that I do not value His wisdom or His will. I am dishonoring Him and I am turning to an idol. 

I am now walking into the unknown. I am officially barred from working and quarantined to my home. I have no idea when I will work again, when I can visit friends again, when life will turn back to normal. In these especially uncertain times it is extremely easy to turn to my idols. I don’t even have to search it out, my phone actually sends me news stories automatically. Fear and information are everywhere. My idol follows me, beckoning me.

However, I have a choice of where I place my faith and my worship. I have a choice in what I run to when I feel afraid. Now, more than ever, I must remind myself daily that my hope is in God my Father and not in my golden calf.