Sex After Baby Part 4: The Spiritual Side of Sex
This week we are talking about the spiritual side of sex.
It's something rarely discussed. I was already married and in my late 20’s when I first heard this concept taught.
The first mention of sexual intercourse in the bible was in Genesis 4 when Adam and Eve created Cain. The Hebrew Bible uses the word “yada” to describe this act. Our closest translation to this word in English is the phrase “to know”, which is what the King James Version uses. Later English translations skewed the meaning a little in an effort to make the story more straight forward, using terms like “relations” and “sexual intercourse”.
I believe every word in the Hebrew Bible was very purposefully placed and considered. The word “yada” is no exception. Yada goes beyond knowing, though. Yada is a deep understanding, a perception that can go beyond physical understanding.
I think it is especially important to keep this in mind when framing our understanding of sex. The ancient writers described it as an act of knowing and deeply understanding your partner. With that extremely brief crash course I’d like to continue with something we all can agree on:
God created sex. It was a gift he gave to humankind.
If that statement is true then we must also acknowledge the following:
He was the one that designed it to feel good.
He gave you your sex drive.
It was not a creation of the enemy that God tolerated to further the human race.
It is a beautiful, purposeful, act and our desire for it does not need to be repressed, but instead controlled and focused.
I’ve already talked in a previous post about growing up with a very shameful view of sex. If you want to take a minute and read that post you can find it here
No one ever taught me about the purpose of sex beyond procreation and I was only ever told to save it for marriage. I certainly had no concept of the spirituality behind it and the strength and bonding it created in a marriage. To take it a step even further, to call sex an act of worship, would have been insanity.
Jesus talked about sex in a manner beyond the physical. He challenged his followers that even looking at a woman lustfully was wrong. That sexual purity went beyond abstaining from the physical act in the wrong situations.
Paul talked throughout many of his letters on this topic, too. In 1 Thessalonians he challenged the church to control themselves sexually. He claims this is a manner of holiness and honor and those who are not living with a healthy sexuality are not rejecting man, but rejecting God.
This is also illustrated in 1 Corinthians 6. Paul writes to the church in this case about the body belonging to the Lord. Paul starts by describing followers of Christ as the body of Christ. He then asks the question: would we join the body of Christ with a prostitute?
Paul goes on to explain that when you have sex with anyone, you become one body and are bonded with that person. He quotes from Genesis here, where God was first laying out what sexuality was to be for us: “the two should become one flesh”.
This chapter of Corinthians gets rounded out with the idea that we are not our own. We have been bought and paid for and since we are joined in our spirits with the Holy Spirit, we must be honoring and glorifying with our bodies.
Sex is not just physical. It is an emotional AND spiritual act, too.
Sex bonds us to the person we are engaging in it with. Real talk: you have to be vulnerable with another person to have an orgasm with them. You have to trust them enough to let them see that part of you. You are letting your guard down and engaging in an incredibly intimate way.
This is why sex was meant for the covenant of marriage. It is an incredibly powerful act and joins you to another person. To have sex willy nilly outside of covenant causes spiritual and emotional bondage. You are connected to a person that is not truly and in every manner yours. You don’t have that stability of covenant to know they won’t leave you and therefore either disconnect your emotions or use desperate tactics to keep that person with you.
If you are a mom who is deep in the trenches of marriage you may be wondering what this has to do with you. You already have that covenant, you are good, right?
Well, sex can be misused and misguided even within covenant. Sexual incompatibility ruins marriages. Without the right lens to view sex in, it will never find its true and proper place within your home.
So back to the spirituality of sex.
As I already mentioned, part of the creation story is God creating and giving Adam a mate, so he would not be alone. This is where God tells them “the two shall be one flesh”.
We know God created it. God was the one to make it enjoyable and fun. His intention was for us to have it often, but in the right setting.
This is where I am going to take it to the next step and defend my position that sex is an act of worship.
We already read in 1 Corinthians about glorifying God with our bodies, so let me pick two more verses that also illustrate this principle.
Let jump ahead just a few Chapters to 1 Corinthians 10:31 -
“So then, whether you eat or drink or WHATEVER you do, do all to the glory of God”
Everything you do can be an act of worship when done for the glory of God. From washing dishes to changing diapers to yes, even sex.
Romans 12:1
“I appeal to you therefore, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship”
We are not all required to physically sacrifice our lives for our God, but he does ask that what we do with our bodies be dedicated to him. Again, this includes sex.
Worship is not just a 30 minute part of your Sunday morning church service. Worship is glorifying God with everything we have. It is our adoration for him, displayed and played out in how we conduct ourselves. How we love those around us. How we go about our work. How we raise our children. And I will say it again and again: worship is in our sex lives, too.
Hang with me just one more moment as I take it just one more tiny step further. I know this may be a lot to process right now and I am sure I already have lost a handful of you, but I really do need to add just one more thing.
Inviting God to be a part of your sex life is kind of important.
Those of us that grew up in Sunday school learned that God is everywhere all the time. He sees everything we do. So if we believe this statement to be true then what is the point of including God, and the Holy Spirit, in the goings on of the bedroom?
Well, because God is not intrusive and will not force his way into any part of your life without an invitation. God gave you free will and respects that free will. It is our job to ask him to be a part of every aspect of our lives, including this one.
Now please do not misunderstand me. I am not talking about some mystical, “Holy Spirit come possess my husband during sex” prayer. Don’t make this weird.
I am talking about in your daily prayers with your spouse asking for deeper connection and enjoyment of each other. Asking the Lord to highlight to you what your spouse desires. Even just a quick prayer as you start engaging in sex to ask for it to glorify the Lord and be a blessing to him.
Yea it sounds silly, but I’ve personally had it change things for me. There have been times when I have prayed just for help orgasaming because I DID NOT feel like even having sex, let alone haivng any kind of enjoyment from it.
I have also recoginized that sex can be the answer when we just seem to be butting heads non stop. The other day my husband and I were bickering over everything and I took a moment to stop and count how many days it had been since we had had sex. It seemed to be one too many. We weren’t acting like one flesh anymore, but instead like two selfish, disconnected individuals.
Sex brings us back together and connects us with our spouse. It gets us on the same page, helps us have more patience with them, and relieves our stress. Amazing how it was designed that way.
Sex was created for such a beautiful and important purpose and life is too short to not be having good sex.
To wrap this up I am going to leave you with some practical ways to start viewing sex as more than a physical act.
1. Pray about your sex life - talk to God about your concerns and thank him for the parts you enjoy. Pray about these things with your spouse and by yourself.
2. Get comfortable praying during sex - we are supposed to pray continually and without ceasing in all areas of life. It doesn't have to be a specific, well thought out prayer. Sometimes just a “help this be enjoyable” thought is all you need to begin a really good sex session.
3. Start studying everything the Bible has to say about sex. Read through Song of Songs together with your husband. Ask the Lord what he thinks about sex and what he would like for you. Discover other verses and mentions of “yada”.
4. Continue to have open conversations with your husband. Let him know your thoughts and feelings and invite him to pray for himself as well as for you when it comes to all things sex. Ask his perspective and if you both feel a calling to go deeper explore some of the great resources out there for this, which I will have a whole post for coming soon!
What are your thoughts? Is this all new information for you or just reaffirming things you already knew?
Tell me in the comments!!
