Postpartum Depression
I don’t know who I am writing this for today, but its one of you.
This morning I woke up thinking about the topic of postpartum depression.
Kind of a weird topic to be thinking about first thing in the morning, but I have some things to say about it so here we go.
There is a difference between the “baby blues” and full out depression. The massive hormone shift after birth can make any mom feel a little sad or out of it. However, persistent sadness, anger or apathy that sticks around is not ok and should not be accepted.
In my opinion there are two main factors that have lead to the increase in postpartum depression.
Comparison
Lack of genuine community
Comparison is a dangerous beast. It tells us that we are not good enough, that we have failed. When our pregnancy, birth, or postpartum period do not look like someone else’s who we admire, we feel less than.
We begin to tell ourselves we aren’t a good mom, that something is wrong with us. Maybe if we had tried harder or had more will power there would have been a better result.
It’s too easy to do these days. We compare and when we inevitably don’t live up to it we let all kinds of bad junk in. The funny thing is, half these “perfect” Instagram moms are sitting on a pile of unfolded laundry with a screaming baby in the background while they make their picturesque post about the vegan gluten free waffles they made this morning.
What you see on the internet is (mostly) not real. Don’t fall for it.
The other problem I see is a lack of genuine community.
God created us to be social creatures. Some of us more so than others, but all of us were created for community.
One of the most evil and detrimental parts of last year was the isolation and lack of in person fellowship. It’s fine to be part of a mom facebook group and chat about your struggles, however, that doesn’t substitute for the real deal.
Get some mom friends with kids near your kids' ages. You are going through the same things. Go through them together. Rejoice in the good together and support each other through the rough patches.
Not only is it important to have mom friends who are right there in the thick of it with you, its important to have moms who have come out the other side in your circle. There is wisdom that seasoned moms have that could save you effort and headache.
That old saying “it takes a village to raise a child” isn’t just a saying, it's a necessary truth. We need to be around other people with our kids AND let other people be helping us care for our children when necessary. It is ok to be picky with who those people are, but make sure you have a village standing behind you.
If you already are feeling the depression creep in, get some support. Reach out. Don’t know how to make friends? Pretty much all my mom friends I made at church (which is the most important community in general), so there’s that. You could also join a local group, or if anything be brave and go to the park. Start up a conversation with another nice looking mom. Or get together in real life with someone you met online (in a safe way!).
As far as the comparison goes, just stop spending so much time online looking at Pinterest and Instagram. Take your baby outside. Sit in the grass, watch the clouds go by. Go on a hike. God did not create us to spend our lives on a couch scrolling on our phones.
Postpartum depression is real, and can be dangerous. There are so many other factors to it, but our mental state and what we allow into our homes is key. Once we have a community around us and aren’t so worried if our parenting looks like someone else’s then we can start working on the other things like physical activity, nutrition and overall health.
And if you know any new mamas, check up on them and reach out. Let them know they are loved and doing a good job. We all need it.
